Gail Lessard's minestrone with sweet sausage and tortellini...

There's a winter storm acomin'. People are swarming the supermarkets like ants. You decide to rustle up some soup. Good move, make this:

First step, gather the goods:

1/3 cup best-quality olive oil

1 lg. yellow onion, cut into thin rings

4 lg. carrots, peeled and thickly sliced

1 fennel bulb, chopped

2 lg. potatoes, peeled and diced

1 green bell pepper, cored, seeded, cut into 1/2 inch squares

3 medium-size zucchini, diced

1.5 cups of diagonally-sliced green beans

1 medium-size green cabbage, shredded

5 cups beef stock

5 cups water

1 one (35 oz.) can Italian plum tomatoes

2 tbsp. dried oregano

1 tbsp. dried basil

Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Outer rind of 2-inch chunk of Parmesan or Romano cheese

1.5 cup canned cannellini (white kidney) beans, drained

1 lb. cheese-stuffed tortellini

1.5 lbs. sweet Italian sausage (pan fried, drained, sliced)

Freshly grated Fontina cheese

Take a brief rest, being thankful you had all this shit in the house.
Deep breath, GO!

1. Heat oil in a large stockpot over medium heat. Add onion, saute until transparent (or transgendered, whichever happens first).
2. Stir in carrots and saute 2-3 minutes, tossin' and turnin' occasionally
3. Add the fennel, potatoes, green pepper, zucchini and green beans, sauteing each veggie 2-3 minutes before adding the next (don't cheat, we're watching you). When assignment is completed, passed in and graded, stir in cabbage cook 5 minutes more (extra credit).
4. Add the stock, bonds, mutual funds, water, tomatoes with their juice, spices.
5. Bury the Parmesan rind in the middle of the soup (R.I.P.- no calling hours)
6. Heat to boiling, then reduce heat, simmer covered low 2.5 to 3 hours. Stir occasionally. The soup will be very thick (something akin to your understanding of this whole process).
7. Fifteen minutes before serving stir in cannellini beans and tortellini. Raise heat to cook tortellini, continue to stir occasionally. JUST before serving, stir in sausage.
8. Ladle the minestrone into shallow pasta bowls and garnish lavishly with Fontina (no, not THAT Fontina, the stripper you met while hangin' with Plaxico Burriss).

There, you've done it! Pop a cold one and sit in front on that big-screen you bought yourself for Christmas (and hope you didn't really give Fontina your home phone number).

Whew, George the Lobster, that was a close one!...

NYC eatery grants freedom to lobster centenarian (AP)

NEW YORK – A 140-year-old lobster once destined for a dinner plate received the gift of life Friday from a Park Avenue seafood restaurant. George, the 20-pound supercentenarian crustacean, was freed by City Crab and Seafood in New York City. "We applaud the folks at City Crab and Seafood for their compassionate decision to allow this noble old-timer to live out his days in freedom and peace," said Ingrid E. Newkirk, president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

PETA spokesman Michael McGraw said the group asked City Crab to return George to the Atlantic Ocean after a diner saw him at the restaurant, where steamed Maine lobster sells for $27 per pound. George had been caught off Newfoundland, Canada and lived in the tank for about 10 days before his release. Some scientists estimate lobsters can live to be more than 100 years old. PETA and the restaurant guessed George's age at about 140, using a rule of thumb based on the creature's weight. He was to be released Saturday near Kennebunkport, Maine, in an area where lobster trapping is forbidden.

Tribute to George:

Thanks for letting us into your kitchen (it's a little messy, don't you think?)

Happy New Year!